How To Select Your Wedding Party

Dean Stead Photography

Dean Stead Photography

Your wedding party is there to support you. They do this by being there for you and supporting your Maid of Honour (MOH) and Best Man by sharing the load. They’ll help you plan, search for things and keep your wedding party organised.

The deciding, the asking, the possible awkwardness of not asking someone, managing expectations, egos, the feelings: obligation, guilt and so on. You’re engaged and you need to pick your wedding party.

It’s a big decision and for some, it’s easy peasy, sometimes there’s a large circle of friends and/or family to consider. Take some time and think about it, it’s a big decision and is worthy of taking some time to decide. It’s your wedding day and the wedding party should be the people you are closest to, who you have a special connection with, people that you trust.

I suggest starting here Be True To Yourself

You are going to be spending all day with them after all. They’ll also be with you throughout your wedding planning journey, doesn’t it make sense to have the people around you whose opinions you respect, who will call you out when you’re having a cray-cray moment?

You’re going to be relying on your peeps, having a laugh and making this time special.

Questions to ask yourselves.

❊ What do you really want?
❊ Who feels right?
❊ Who does your gut say you need?

Do you have a flaky friend, selfish friend or busy friend? I’m by no means saying that they don’t love you, or that you shouldn’t choose them, but honestly, they do tend to be less suitable for the wedding party role, a role that is geared towards being helpful, looking after others, responsible and considerate.
Deep down, you know the truth. Don’t pretend that because you’ve asked them to be a part of your wedding team that they’ll change into this super organised, responsible person.

That doesn't mean that they can’t rise to the challenge, but as I said, you know. This wedding planning journey should be one that is enjoyable.

Let us not forget the cost of being part of your wedding party, the outfits, accessories, hair and makeup, pre-wedding events and more. It all adds up, unless you’re going to be paying for all their expenses, you do need to take it into consideration.

Are you ready for thanks, but no thanks?

When my children were younger I said to them “when you ask a question there are two possible answers, YES or NO.”
So don’t assume because you’ve asked they’ll say yes AND give them the option to say no.

Let them know what your expectations are of them or if they will have to travel for your wedding. Explain that you understand if they were to say no, that’s cool, it won’t alter your friendship. They are your closest friend, after all, so you should be able to be honest with them. This would totally be appreciated.

The people you pick to be in your wedding party should be the ones who know you, the ones with which no matter how much time has passed by, when you meet, it’s like you only saw them yesterday, the people who bring out the best in you. The goal is to get married only the once.

Make decisions that make you feel happy, that feel right, listen to yourself and you’ll have a wedding planning experience that flows with ease and a wedding day that feels totally you.

Detailed below are the roles of your wedding party. Share this with your wedding party and talk to them about what you need help with and what you’d like them to do. By having clarity on their roles they will be able to support and be the support system you need.

Maid Of Honour and Best Man

Before the Wedding

  • Organising the group and being the point of contact

  • Helping pick out the wedding party attire

  • Organising the bachelorette/bachelor party

  • Helping the couple with any other wedding planning items

  • Picking up and returning rental suits (best man)

Wedding Day

  • By the bride/groom’s side making sure they are taken care of and happy

  • Making sure the bride/groom drinks water and eats something

  • Not letting the girls/guys get drunk

  • Having snacks around

  • Helping the bride/groom get dressed

  • Helping the bride with her dress – holding it up when she needs a loo run & when walking (MOH)

  • Fixing the bride’s dress/train (MOH)

  • Holding the bride’s bouquet (MOH)

  • In charge of holding the rings (best man)

  • Signing the marriage license as a witness

  • Holding the bride’s personal items like her phone, lipstick, bag (MOH)

  • Holding any personal items for the groom during the ceremony (best man)

  • Keeping the wedding party on time based on the schedule

  • Giving MOH or BM toast

  • Making sure the getting ready room is cleaned up

  • Decorating the getaway car (best man)

  • Any other specific tasks

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

Before the Wedding

  • Helping with the wedding party attire

  • Helping the MOH/BM with any parties

  • Helping the couple with any other wedding planning items

Wedding Day

  • Alongside the bride/groom making sure they are taken care of and happy

  • Helping the bride get dressed and manage items and cleaning the getting ready room (bridesmaids)

  • Helping the groom with any items, cleaning the getting ready room and decorating the car (groomsmen)

  • In charge of getting lunch for everyone (groomsmen)

  • Ushers at the ceremony and passing out programs (groomsmen)

  • Any other specific tasks

  • Remember, you don’t need to do everything alone. Ask for help when you need it, but don’t take the mickey.

Happy Planning xx

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